Many times, when things didn’t go as i’ve planned them to be, or when things didn’t happen the way i’ve prayed them before, it becomes miserable for me. I would be confused. I’ve planned it so well, so why did Allah says no? Why did He plan it this way and not the other way around? I asked Him that repeatedly. And everyday, i wish that He would somehow reveal to me the reasons behind them all. What is His ultimate plan? What has He prepared me for? What makes Him put me in such situation, in such hardship; that only causes me agony and nothing else? I pray, everyday, that He will somehow unveil the secrets behind everything that has happened; so that i can understand. So that i will be at ease and stop complaining. So that at least, i wouldn’t be confused. But that’s the trick — it’s always easy to believe when you are winning. But Allah didn’t want to see that. He wants to see who will truly believe when they are losing.
2018 was a painful year for me, since nothing went according to my plans. But then i came across this saying that goes “If Allah leads you to it, that is His direction. But if He leads you away from it, then that is Allah’s protection.” I might have my own version of fairytale i’ve created inside my head. But hey, if He refuses to give His mercy for that thing to happen? Then i’ve decided that i don’t want it. That’s the biggest, most courageous thing i’ve ever done this year. To let go of something and be okay with it. It wasn’t exactly easy, but when i think about how small am i compared to The Almighty, how naive am i compared to The Most Knowing, and the fact that He is planning my life? My heart found its peace back. Well, i have no idea what you’re struggling through right now, what kind of pain you’re enduring, what your story is (if you wanted to share, i’m all ears!) — but i hope that those tribulations does nothing to you, accept making you stronger, and braver, and wiser, and better.
— Sofea, 2018
(This whole post was inspired by Sheikh Nouman Ali’s lecture)
Wildflower 